great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
