So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
