Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
