You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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