Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
