There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
