I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no you cant smoke seaweed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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