Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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