He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
