I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
