Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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