Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
