I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
