Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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