the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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