No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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