i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
