I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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