my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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