Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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