On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
