Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
