If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
