You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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