Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
