I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
