Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
