Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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