Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
