I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
