"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
