They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I did not marry a roomba.
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