I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
