everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
