those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We named our party play list daddy issues
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
