her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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