Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
