btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
