peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
