Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
