so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
