im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
