How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
