pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
