Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
this hospital has no fireball
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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