people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
