Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
