Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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