I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
