I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
