I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
